Can’t have him.
Somewhere along being lonely & lost I found a man. He at first glance was an ordinary one with impeccable looks. Not exactly my typical cup of tea but there was always something enchanting and intriguing about this handsome prince. He was funny, and more then anything charming in a gentle yet exciting way. The circumstances around meeting him were nothing short of accidental and complicated. Could it be possible that thanks to my ex I had found my next? Too cliché of course but even I, the most cynic of them all might be knocked off my pedestal on this one. I met him one night as I was dropping my sweet Aubree off at her Dads and this particular night J. was hanging out with his neighbor buddies. I had briefly heard about both of these gentlemen and nothing struck me as interested, especially after one specific photo J. sent me jokingly of Prince Charming. It was him in boxers, a white vneck tee, holding a shotgun and a beer wearing cowboy boots. I was amused and not slightly attracted to him at this point. My first thought of course was, gee another Texas redneck… Well that was before I actually met him this particular night. He was drunker then a sailor and stumbling all over himself. Needless to say he wasn’t exactly charming yet, but caught me off guard because he was not just another redneck, but a handsome red head. His eyes as blue as the jeans he was wearing and freckles too many to count just like myself. I was both stunned and confused by my initial infatuation mostly because to be blunt: I was the only redhead in any relationship, and never had I even been slightly attracted to any redhead dudes. Putting that aside one of the first slurred conversation we had was about him being a paramedic. There’s something about that hero-dude thing that anyone who knows me, knows I am extremely weak for. Military, police, firefighter, and any and all things alike. Our first meeting was short, sloppy but I was interested and by his drunken choice to give me his number I thought he may have been too.
My next choice was a difficult one; to text or not to text. Would he remember even giving me his number? Curiosity got the best of me and I text him. Of course he didn’t remember slipping me his number but said he was glad he did. Fast forward a week and he came over one night after work when I was off Mom duty.
You know when you meet somebody you just have this intense sexual energy with? It was like that on steroids, I had high expectations that night but he surpassed every possible thought I had. It was passionate, heavy, and beyond any sex I had ever, EVER had. I was blown away and kind of hooked. His situation was just as complicated as mine at this point. He has a daughter and had just broken up with his long time girlfriend/daughters mother because she cheated on him. They were entangled like a J. And I were. I told myself not to expect much and forced myself not to get attached, but with each night we had together it got harder and harder. The mind blowing sex was only a fraction of the reason though. After two months of spending some time together I uncovered a gem that I will never understand how you could be unfaithful to. He’s ambitious, driven, caring, hardworking, faithful, loving, and above all an amazing father.
After the first week of us hooking up we had Thanksgiving together at J.’s neighbors. It was awkward and enticing. It was like our dirty secret that nobody could know. We hooked up a few more times then right before Christmas Prince Charming sort of disappeared on me. Come to find out he had proposed to his ex and they were back together. I was bummed, but also in admiration of his commitment to try and make things work with her for his family to be together. After proposing he and I hung out a few times and he expressed how much he regretted giving her the ring and how confused he was. He basically broke off their engagement just to then find out his ex is pregnant again and they are still together. So we’ve remained friends purely for the last month….
Until last weekend. My best friend B. Came to visit me in Texas and we decided to have a night in with Princey and his roommate. Long story short, Princey cheated on his girl.
Wheeeeeee now the ocean of emotions are simple. I think I’m falling in love with a man who I can’t have similar to the man I’ve been in love with for 6 years and can’t have either.
To be continued…